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Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID
number?
Customer: Hi, I’d like to place an order.
Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.
Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s
6102049998-45-54610.
Operator: Thank you Mr. Smith. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and
the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance
is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email address is
http://us.f812.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=shee han@home.net. Which number
are you calling from sir?
Customer: Huh? I’m at home. Where’d you get all this information?
Operator: We’re wired into the HSS, sir.
Customer: The HSS, what is that?
Operator: We’re wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add
only 15 seconds to your ordering time.
Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.
Operator: I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.
Customer: Whaddya mean?
Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you’ve
got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National
Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.
Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?
Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.
Customer: What makes you think I’d like something like that?
Operator: Well, you checked out ’Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your local
library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.
Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then
Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids. Your
2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.
Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.
Operator: I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your
credit card balance is over its limit.
Customer: I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets
here.
Operator: That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn
also.
Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How
long will it take?
Operator: We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes,
sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick’em up while you’re out
getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little
awkward.
Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?
Operator: It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car
got repo’ed. But your Harley’s paid for and you just filled the tank
yesterday.
Customer: Well, I’ll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#
Operator: I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July
4, 2003, conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in
September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge Oh yes, I see
here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional
Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
Customer: (speechless)
Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?
Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.
Operator: I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from
offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank
you for calling Pizza Hut.